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HE SAYS HE CAN'T HELP IT -
IS THAT TRUE?

For years many professionals believed that batterers did not have the ability to control their impulse to hit when they were angry. The label they gave it was “poor impulse control.”

 

Batterers Do Not Have Poor Impulse Control!


Although it may appear that batterers are out of control when they assault their partners, consider the following:

  • Their partners are almost always the sole targets of their violence. Men who batter are very skilled at controlling their anger and violence in virtually every other situation involving someone who has made them angry, i.e., friends, a boss, a neighbor, etc.
  • Batterers are often able to stop a violent assault when interrupted by a child, a neighbor, a phone call, etc. As soon as that person leaves, or the phone is hung up, the violence resumes.
  • They often carefully choose to hit only the areas of their partners’ bodies which can be covered by clothing so bruises and other marks don’t have to be explained to family, friends, co-workers, etc.
  • Batterers rarely assault their partners in public. They manage to control their anger and violence until they are away from witnesses to their assaults.
 
Despite what he wants to believe, and what he wants his victim to believe, a batterer is completely in control of his abusive behavior. The violence, which usually occurs when he believes his power has been challenged, is deliberate and is intended to re-establish control in the relationship.

Batterers have many choices available to them for responding to anger and frustration. Violence can never be one of those choices.

It is against the law for any person to assault another, regardless of their relationship. If a person chooses to use physical violence, that person chooses to commit a crime and that person, alone, is responsible for that choice.

REMEMBER, YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. WE URGE YOU TO CALL SAFE SHELTER ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT FOR ASSISTANCE AND SUPPORT.