SAFETY ALERT: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear.  If you are in danger, or feel you are being monitored, please use a safer computer.



  • have a history of bad relationships?
  • blame others for his/her problems?
  • get serious too quickly - is too quick to say "I love you?"
  • believe he/she is superior to you - does not take your opinions seriously or treat you as an equal?
  • have unpredictable mood swings and make you worry about how he/she will react?
  • act jealous and possessive - check up on you and want to know where you are at all times?
  • blame you when he/she mistreats you - saying that you provoked the reaction or "pushed my buttons?"
  • cause you to feel like you have to make excuses for his/her behavior?
  • try to control you - boss you around and insist on making all of the decisions?
  • use guilt trips - like "If you loved me..." or "I need you so much?"
  • keep you from spending time with your family and friends?
  • cause your family and friends to be concerned for your safety - have they warned you about him/her?
  • use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for being abusive?
  • pressure you to have sex or threaten you if you don't want to?
  • threaten to hurt you or hurt him/herself if you end the relationship?
  • hurt you, or intimidate you with threats to hurt you or others?
  • always apologize for his/her abusive behavior, promising to never do it again?


IF YOU HAVE ANSWERED YES to some or all of the above questions, you may be in a dangerous relationship.  Talk about your emotional and physical safety with someone you trust.  Safe Shelter Advocates are available 24/7 and you don't need to tell us who you are unless you want to.                                                                                 

If you decide to end the relationship, a Safe Shelter Advocate can       help you think it through and make a safety plan.                                  


 Source: NCJW, Essex County Section, Inc. 2004